McDonnell Douglas Survey = Joke (fwd)

From the inside...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 15:29:57 EDT
Subject: McDonnell Douglas Survey = Joke


This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of
humor.
The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made
the web department take it down immediately


 ------------------------------------------------------------------

 Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.

In order to protect your new investment; please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
desires.

 1.   [_] Mr.
       [_] Mrs.
       [_] Ms.
       [_] Miss
       [_] Lt.
       [_] Gen.
       [_] Comrade
       [_] Classified
       [_] Other

 First Name:

 .....................................................

 Initial: ........

Last Name......................................................

Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)

Code Name:......................................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

        [_] F-14 Tomcat
        [_] F-15 Eagle
        [_] F-16 Falcon
        [_] F-117A Stealth
        [_] Classified

 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... /......./......

 4. Serial Number: ...............................................

 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

       [_] Received as gift / aid package
       [_] Catalogue / showroom
       [_] Independent arms broker
       [_] Mail order
       [_] Discount store
       [_] Government surplus
       [_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell
Douglas product you have just purchased:

       [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
       [_] Store display
       [_] Espionage
       [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
       [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
       [_] Was attacked by one

 7. Please indicate the three- (3) factors that most influenced
your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

       [_] Style / appearance
       [_] Speed / maneuverability
       [_] Price / value
       [_] Comfort / convenience
       [_] Kickback / bribe
       [_] Recommended by salesperson
       [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
       [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
       [_] Backroom politics
       [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

       [_] North America
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Aircraft carrier
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Europe
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
       [_] Panama
       [_] Africa
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Asia / Far East
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Misc. Third World countries
       [_] Iraq
       [_] Classified
       [_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:

       [_] Color TV
       [_] VCR
       [_] ICBM
       [_] Killer Satellite
       [_] CD Player
       [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
       [_] Space Shuttle
       [_] Home Computer
       [_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
     (Indicate all that apply:)

       [_] Communist / Socialist
       [_] Terrorist
       [_] Crazed
       [_] Nice Person
       [_] Democratic
       [_] Dictatorship
       [_] Corrupt
       [_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

       [_] Deficit spending
       [_] Cash
       [_] Suitcases of cocaine
       [_] Oil revenues
       [_] Personal check
       [_] Credit card
       [_] Ransom money
       [_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

       [_] Homemaker
       [_] Sales / marketing
       [_] Revolutionary
       [_] Clerical
       [_] Mercenary
       [_] Tyrant
       [_] Middle management
       [_] Eccentric billionaire
       [_] Defense Minister / General
       [_] Retired
       [_] Work At Post Office

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing
you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
governments, extremist groups, and mysterious  consortia.  As
a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
to win a brand new F-117A in our War Not Peace Sweepstakes!

 IMPORTANT:
 This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
named above and may contain information that is confidential
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low
self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If
you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution
or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or
implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct
context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any
legal or no grammatical use and may be ignored.  No animals were
harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next
door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with
an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn
that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and
your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your
pets.  If you have received this email in error, please don't read it
again.